the reality of the Cross

So I’ve kinda always been troubled or bothered…or maybe just uncomfortable looking at the gory images of Jesus’ death, particularly in the Passion movie. However, I had this random desire to play some worship music and to do a google image search, and to just stare. And soak it in. This time for some reason I found peace, comfort, love.

There is something strong about reminding our own soul of the power of the Cross, of the crucifixion. It realllllly matters. Why would we ignore it? Certainly in the past people didn’t have Hollywood to conjure up such images for us, but I think this is almost a tool to lead ourselves into worship some days.

We forget the majesty and sacrifice he took. I wonder what went through His mind. I wonder if He was more focused on us, or obedience to the Father. But imagine, what was the Father thinking? I imagine it was just like over and over “It’s for the sake of my precious ones, they need this, it has to happen, it will be worth it.”

Have you felt wanted today? Have you thought, God is jealous for me? He has CHOSEN to find beauty in and celebrate ME today? Some days God makes it easier than others for that to be amazing, or maybe that’s just how it feels to me. I know this, I want to prefer God, and I want to be an equally good ‘prayer warrior’ (for lack of better term) on days when everything is peachy as the days when my world seems like it’s jussssssst…about to end. Both days should be soaked in His spirit, blessing, and general results of being invited.

perfectly imperfect

Hmmm, some new look to the blog, eh? I’m pretty sure I’ve had the same one since   my junior year of college. I suppose it’s time.

I feel like sometimes our ideas, our poems, our plans, even our potential remains just that….left on the napkin. The epiphany you had, the poem jotted on your lunch break, the conversation with that friend or stranger, that was the spark daring to erupt into something fantastic. It’s left on the napkin, to be forgotten after your soy latte…froth and all.

I think we secretly want to be great and simple at the same time. But we can’t…somehow…be imperfect? Can’t greatness be simple…but more importantly can’t it be off-skewed? Some of the greatest comforts, powers, and truths…some of the greatest Scriptures…really can be boiled down to something simple. Your imperfection doesn’t take away from their greatness either.

So I guess it really is that simple. Don’t let it just stay on that napkin. Who ever said it had to be perfect?

random 2 cents

It’s interesting how being abroad teaches a person of how they were raised in a culture that breeds stress, judgement, and superficiality. It’s nice how chasing Jesus brings more freedom from all that, no matter where you are.

Kids are funny. Pretty much always, and they dare you to question the logic of the human mind.

I’m so glad the weekend is coming. I guess going in to work both saturday and sunday wasn’t the best choice, even though it felt necessary.

Asking how someone’s day was can be more impactful than you might guess. Try it sometime this week

times

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAVHeVDML5k 

Oh can You look past my pretending?
Lord, I’m so tired of defending, what I’ve become
What have I become?

I hear You say,
“My love is over. It’s underneath.
It’s inside. It’s in between.
The times you doubt Me, when you can’t feel.
The times that you question, ‘Is this for real? ‘
The times you’re broken.
The times that you mend.
The times that you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well, My love is over, it’s underneath.
It’s inside, it’s in between.
These times you’re healing, and when your heart breaks.
The times that you feel like you’re falling from grace.
The times you’re hurting.
The times that you heal.
The times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
The times of confusion, in chaos and pain.
I’m there in your sorrow, under the weight of your shame.
I’m there through your heartache.
I’m there in the storm.
My love I will keep you, by My pow’r alone.
I don’t care where you fall, where you have been.
I’ll never forsake you, My love never ends.
It never ends.”

The cycle ends right now cuz you wont lead me down that road

Hmm, I haven’t posted on here in forever, but I figured its time to spill my guts and clear my mind LOL.

So unfortunately my dad drank like a fish this past year and more or less destroyed his liver. At this point I’m in the States for Christmas break and I knew to expect it when I arrived. However, the part that’s been unbearable and caused many skirmishes has been dealing with my grandma. She’s 92 and has a tendency to keep a list and check it twice (or more) when it comes to things to worry about. I told her she makes mountains out of molehills. She says she cannot help it, and knowing what I do about geriatric psychology I’m not entirely sure I disagree.

So the part that irks me the most is when she has tried to either restrict me from doing anything recreational with friends or even guilt tripping me when I accept an invitation anywhere. She claims I don’t understand or prioritize my dad’s situation.

Ya know what? My biggest priority to an atheist with a failing liver is to offer (and hopefully accurately portray) Jesus, the author of life and giver of love. I’m working on that and I covet your prayers, however, I need to have a balanced, healthy mindset. I need to remind myself that I’m a professional, an adult, an ex-patriot even. Prioritizing my friends, perhaps not prioritizing but rather investing in them, and not sitting around in madness for 3 weeks on my Winter Break is not a sin. It’s not.

I can’t expect her to understand. She hasn’t just come back from 5 months being overseas, she hasn’t experienced the hardships I have growing up (and therefore doesn’t have the coping skills I have). I might even in a non-prideful way suggest she doesn’t rely on God the way I do. It’s glory to Him, not me. I see Him present in my life as I face this, but I don’t see His peace in her as I watch her cause little hells for those around her.

She won’t oppress me.

I will be a person of peace, and I will have patience. That doesn’t mean I will be walked upon and abused, beat down and defeated, even as Western culture might suggest I do so.

Christmas flavors upon us

So last night I had a dream about ordering a Starbucks, with explicit detail of what I said, what it looked like, even how it tasted. I handed it back to the lady with requests on different amounts of milk, etc.

Yesterday I mentioned I like candy canes in my hot chocolate. A girl who’s usually not very animated then burst out  that when she gets to the airport in the States she will be having a white chocolate peppermint mocha.

Oh the things I will be taking advantage of…after 4 and half months without it, I’d say I’ve earned it.

la vida

Did you ever notice that God spread out all His work in the first week of time and then rested? For us procrastinators that is interesting, because we like to do things on Sunday night to prepare for the week. In fact, some of us are the opposite and would like to do it all in one day. That isn’t helpful either.

I’m getting better at managing my time. I basically made myself a religiously rigorous schedule for the sake of blessing myself, we’ll see how it goes. Also, I just signed up for tutoring a kid in English on the side, 3 hours a week. The problem I’m anticipating is it’s in his house, in the evenings, and getting around here is hard. We’ll see, maybe I’ll decrease my hours or quit hahahaha.

On a side note, sometimes when the novelty of cross cultural interaction wears off…it can really suck. It makes me realize how much I focus on myself…which even if its negative is a prideful thing. I realize how much I blame my lack of Spanish skills on me not going up to people and making the conversation about them…then I realize…is that really even my intention/desire/norm when I deal with ppl who speak English. Nope. Jesus, teach me to really love people. Nomatterwut.

 

I saw a heart-shaped cloud in the sky and it tells me of who You are.

These were lyrics of a song I heard when I went to a Venezuelan birthday party recently. It amazes me how simply being invited, being let in on the insider’s world, can make such a difference to how an outsider can feel. This is a truth in many things in life, but especially in cross cultural situations. Also, something interesting to me is how Venezuelans who know English will be nice enough to speak to you in Spanish even though it would be easier for both of you to just use English. This was the opposite experience I had in Sweden, where they would insist on speaking to me in English almost as a reminder, softly whispering “you’re not one of us, stop trying.”

I heard the other day that missionaries go through unique issues of spiritual warfare, clever attacks the enemy throws your way simply because he wants you to go home. I could easily see how building frustration or even self-consciousness about being a foreigner with language barriers as a constant reminder could be one of his methods of checking us out before our time is up. And imagine that these attacks can be combated simply by a Christian brother’s obedience in loving the outsider? Perhaps we can all find an outsider in our midst to love this week…

fear not

Don’t be afraid of needing to hear God say “Fear Not”. Fear that you’re living a life so safe that He never needs to say it.

Don’t be afraid of satan’s attacks. Be afraid that you never make his hit list.

i love Your presence

And if you want it come and get it, for crying out loud.

Cuz this love that He has given to you is never in doubt.

Let go of your heart, let go of your head, and feel Him now.

Let go of your heart, let go of your head, and feel Him now.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prbw1s5gVX8